no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
