M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
