remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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