That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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