He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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