last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's blow job season.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
