as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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