I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
