Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
