That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it glows. i had to have it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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