So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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