If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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