I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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