there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
