OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
