I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize