Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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