Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sober January is a disaster.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
