The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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