You really coming over, don't trick.
actually, I'm a sock model
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
