the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I haven't been this sober since birth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
