Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
