that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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