Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
