Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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