hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
