she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
