I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
