Just cropdusted the office
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
