You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
