Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
