I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Everything about him screamed your future.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize