How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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