so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
