so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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