Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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