You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
