maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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