He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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