Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
