Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
