I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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