The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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