What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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