Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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