i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
