I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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