well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
