never play flip cup with pint glasses
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
