just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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