Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
