At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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