he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
