I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
