umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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