Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
