I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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