Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
