hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
