do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
