my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
