Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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