Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
