Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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