Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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