I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
