my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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