so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
