he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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