So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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