my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
