oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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