i think i have herpe
just one?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
