I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
