I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
