It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
