put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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