Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
