i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
