i barfeds in our rink
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
