Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
