All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
