do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
