How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
