i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
