The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
