I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The air taste purple.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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