I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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