if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
