I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
