I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
