i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
