So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize