You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
